


Doves of Worship

by gaygreekgladiator (ama)



Series: Your Body is a Temple [2]
Category: Spartacus Series (TV)
Genre: Ficlet, Gen, M/M, holiday fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-12
Updated: 2012-12-12
Packaged: 2017-11-20 22:38:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/590428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ama/pseuds/gaygreekgladiator
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Auctus finds the FATTEST PIGEON EVER. Based on this tumblr post: http://gaygreekgladiator.tumblr.com/post/37752579901/fat-birds-pyroh-so-im-waiting-for-a-bus</p><p>Rated for language.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Doves of Worship

Auctus threw himself on the bus bench and resisted the urge to groan out loud by reminding himself that he was a _responsible adult_ , damnit. In fact, one would go so far as to say that he was _the_ responsible adult, the one who kept his dignity and his common sense and composure even when his boyfriend was foaming at the mouth, boldly getting into bar fights with bikers, or hopping around like a puppy on pop rocks.

And yet, he still couldn’t prevent himself from sulking.

“You are no fun,” Duro said with a laugh, sitting on the bench beside Auctus. He dropped their Christmas-shopping bags beside them and laced his arm through Auctus’s, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

“ _This_ is no fun.”

“I thought you liked shopping.”

“I like shopping at _home_. Where I know people, and the stores, and reasonable prices, and where I get a discount because Swirls is in the same plot as half of the stores on the street and people actually like each other.”

“You’re the first Red Sox fan I’ve ever met who doesn’t like Boston.” Duro sounded far too amused. “I think they make you revoke your card for that.”

“Don’t even start with me. I hate big cities. Boston, New York, wherever—I can’t even handle _Disneyworld_ for more than a few hours at a time. It’s just so crowded and artificial and dirty and—”

Very abruptly, Auctus fell silent. His eyes had fallen to the sidewalk on the other side of Duro, where a pigeon sat. But this wasn’t any ordinary pigeon. In Auctus’s vast experience, he honestly couldn’t remember seeing another one like it; it was easily two, maybe three times bigger than the average bird. It sat with its feathers puffed out against the cold, its read eyes fixed straight ahead.

Normally, Auctus made a policy of not approaching or touching any birds except the ones near his apartment, and even that was after a long process of feeding and befriending. But he was cold, and he was having a very bad no-good day, and he was going to cuddle that enormous, feathery animal if his life depended on it.

“Duro,” he said calmly. “Don’t move.”

“Why?” Duro asked, confused.

“Just don’t, okay?”

“What…” Duro followed Auctus’s gaze, and then jumped out of his skin. He leapt back against Auctus’s chest. “Jesus _fucking_ Christ, what the everliving fuck _is_ that thing?”

“Duro!”

For a moment, Auctus was afraid the pigeon would fly away, but it merely fluttered closer. He grinned delightedly and rubbed Duro’s shoulder.

“It’s a pigeon.”

“It is _not_. Look at its size! That is a demon from hell and we are _leaving_.”

“We are not,” Auctus said firmly. “You dragged me here and now I am finally having fun and we are staying.”

“Having fun? We’re just sitting here watching a mutant… Auctus. No. Auctus, _no_.”

“Just for one minute.”

“Nope. Nope, nope, nope.”

Duro began to gather up their bags to leave, and then nearly shrieked as the peasant hopped closer again. Auctus glanced at the bag and was vindictively pleased to see that it contained the fruitcake that Duro had insisted on buying for Agron and Nasir as a joke, which Auctus had thought was a stupid idea. It was the only bag that had food in it, and he thought about breaking a piece off the cake. As soon as he reached for the bakery box, though, Duro slapped his hand away.

“Please?”

“ _No_.”

“But it’s so _fluffy_.”

“So are tigers.”

“But—”

“Oh, look, our bus!” Duro said loudly.

He grabbed Auctus’s arm and the bags and stood, walking hastily up to the curb, and that was when all hell broke loose. Auctus broke from Duro’s grasp and knelt down in one swift movement, his hands poised to pick up the enormous bird, but all he got for his efforts was a face full of feathers. The pigeon launched itself at Duro, instead.

Auctus had half a second to admire the fact that the thing could even fly when Duro began shouting and swearing with all of the creativity he could muster while being beaten on all sides by pigeon wings. He dropped the bags and ducked. Half of their new purchases were sprawled out on the road. Auctus was pretty sure that the oncoming bus lurched as every passenger threw themselves at the window. Big city people tended not to be easily impressed, in his opinion, but it wasn’t every day that a young, tattood-and-pierced-all-over, adorable man got attacked by a freakishly large pigeon.

“ _Help me you motherfucker_ ,” Duro said furiously.

Belatedly, Auctus realized that he was being addressed, and he rushed forward. He received several scratches from the pigeon’s mighty claws, and even more bruises from Duro’s wildly flailing arms, but finally years of experience proved their worth. He couldn’t quite wrap his hands around the bird, but he managed to pin the wings to its body and then pull it down into the crook of its elbow like a small, avian baby. It was very fluffy.

“Well aren’t you a wonderful little guy,” Auctus murmured to it.

He looked up to find Duro staring at him with murder in his eyes.

“ _Wonderful little guy_?” he hissed. “That is a feathery monster, and we are never coming to Boston _again_. Put that little shit down and let’s get on the damn bus.”

Auctus raised his eyebrows, a smirk playing at the corner of his lips.

“All right.”

The bird had been relaxing placidly in his arms. As soon as Auctus’s grip loosened, however, he began straining, and Duro visibly recoiled.

“No, WAIT. Wait. Wait for me… just… no.”

He gathered up all of their bags and slowly backed onto the bus. When he was seated, Auctus released the pigeon, which decided that chasing Duro wasn’t worth public transportation. It flew away, and Auctus marveled at its wingspan for a brief moment before joining Duro on the busy.

“You are no fun,” he said with a grin.

“I’m breaking up with you.”

Auctus just laughed and put his arm around Duro’s shoulders, thinking pleasantly on all the myriad joys that Boston at Christmastime could provide.


End file.
